One Step Closer...

Well I have been lax at getting this post out,  I started to write it about a week ago.  The day after Memorial day I had my ultrasound appointment to check the lining of my uterus and blood work done to check other hormone levels.  Wednesday my clinic received the official results of all my test.  My body has done all they wanted it to this past  month on the new medicine protocol. The ultrasound check is to see if my uterus is getting thick and fluffy from the meds they have given me.  They said they would be happy with an 8 and mine was at 13, so that was awesome! (these numbers are a measurement of thickness in the uterus lining)  So this means we are ready to move on to the real cycle.  They will sync my cycle with the lady who is donating her eggs. Everyone is happy and excited for the next step.  I do not have to give my self any more shots for the next 10 days and for a couple of weeks after that.  For the 10 days following my results I will be taking half of the estrogen amount I was on, and a new one called prometrium (progesterone).  I do have to say the first night I took those pills, I was extremely dizzy!  I felt like someone had fed me a serious narcotic.  I do not normally have much reaction to any medicines, and when they say there are all these side effects, I generally feel or notice none of them.  This was not a good feeling.  I could not even walk steady.  So talking to my clinic the next day, they told me I could take them as a suppository instead of orally, and that it would cut down on my side effects.  It did, and I will only take them that way from now on.  While a vaginal suppository is not my most favorite thing, it beats the dizziness any day of the week.  Now we wait for my own cycle to kick in again.  As soon as my period starts, I will get the new protocol for cycle meds to get my body ready for transfer.  This is really turning into a long journey.

Lupron ~ Tummy vs Thigh

Well, never thought I would be writing about this.  At the clinic when I was first being told about the shots, the nurse told me I could do the lupron shots in my thigh or my tummy.  I instantly said I would do them in the thigh, thinking there is no way I would give myself a shot in my tummy.  I was convinced that the tummy would be way more sensitive than the big thigh muscle.  So for two weeks now I have been giving myself a shot in the thigh.  It is not too bad, some nights I seem to hit a more sensitive spot then others, but over all its doable.  

Well the other day I found a few surrogate support groups on facebook.  So I joined two.  There was a conversation about lupron shots and I found most ever single one of them were doing there shots in their tummies and having no complaints.  Most all I talked with said no feeling or pain at all.  So I decided I would try one tonight in the tummy...

Yes I will agree almost no feeling at all, just a tiny little prick feeling sticking the needle in, but over all... I think much better than the thigh.  So tomorrow night the shot will be in the tummy again, and we will see if the feeling is still the same.

For anyone who thought like I did that the tummy would be much more sensitive than the thigh, I think I was wrong.  I am glad I joined the facebook pages, as it is really nice to talk with others who have already done this surrogate journey and those who are in the process just like me.

Quick Update

Well I went for my ultrasound lining check and blood work two days ago.  All results were in yesterday and they were exactly what they wanted to see!! Yea!!
Funny thing was after I received my phone call from the clinic with positive news about the results, one of the guys had received an email from the clinic, and he and I were texting each other at the same time to share the good news.  So the results showed that I did not ovulate this past month through all the meds.  Now I still have to give myself lupron shots, but I have gone from 20 units to 5 units a day.  Had to start the estrogen pills again yesterday, so I am taking two pills a day and one shot for now.  Next week will have blood drawn again, to ensure that my estrogen levels are climbing.  Then the following week will be another ultrasound and blood work, to ensure levels are still climbing and uterus lining is thickening up and no ovulation.  Providing all of those things happen in that way, then we will be on to start planning for embryo transfer.
Getting excited!! 

Lupron Shots, past the intimidation...

Well I have been giving myself shots now for just over a week.  It is still just a tad daunting every time I put that needle to my skin, but overall it is not really a big deal.  My first shot I gave to myself in the evening.  Living on a farm I still had nightly animal chores to do before bed, which means a bit of walking around for me.  I had just a tiny bit of discomfort at the injection site or maybe even just being able to feel it in my leg muscle while I was walking around finishing up all my night time chores.  So the next night I gave myself the shot just before I went to bed.  Other than just feeling the shot itself, which over all is not painful, just a bit irritating... no issues with the shot.  I went to sleep as normal and felt nothing when I woke in the morning.  So for me, I have discovered that I will do the injection just before bed and I have not noticed any other side effects or discomforts.

Tomorrow will be my next mid lining check, and blood work.  Lets hope that everything is where the clinic would like it to be, so that we can get geared up for cycle next month and embryo transfer.

I was thinking I kind of skipped over some details between posts.  From the clinic day to being intimidated by shots.  The month in between I was on medication (pill form) to evaluate the lining of my uterus.  The medication I was on was suppose to stop me from ovulating so that they could see the lining of my uterus.  Well I ovulated right through the medicine.  So we had to start the process over again with stronger meds this month.  So here is to hoping the ultrasound lining check tomorrow and bloodwork shows that I did not ovulate this month and that all levels are where they want them.

Keeping fingers crossed.... 

Slightly Intimidated...

A bit of nervousness set in Wednesday holding the box of needles and medicine that Fed Ex brought to me.  The clinic tried to put me through a mock cycle last month and I ovulated through the meds, so this month I will be on stronger meds which means I will have to give myself a shot every day for a week or so.  I knew this was coming and I would have to do this close to the time of transfer, which just now means I will have to go through the shots twice to make sure it works.  Honestly this is not the most exciting thing I have looked forward to in this journey.  I have done my research and I know some women have issues with the Lupron shots and others do not.  I will hang onto my positive thoughts and keep in mind most medicines I take for any reason do not give me any side effects.  I know I can do this and it will probably be no big deal, but still the thought of giving myself shots on a daily basis is just a tad intimidating.

The internet is really an awesome tool these days, in anticipation of my upcoming injections, I googled surrogates and Lupron injections, and low and behold there were a number of actual instructional videos on You Tube.  Watching a number of other women do this with no real issues, did give me a little sense of relief.  I live on a farm and have had animals all my life and have actually given many shots and vaccines to animals, but just never to myself.  I’m sure I got this, no biggy (I keep saying to myself) feel the need for winking smiley face here. ;-) 

Well for now we are at the wait and see game (which is one game I do not play well). Have another week or so of meds and ultrasound to check lining of uterus and blood work to be done.  As long as that all goes the way they want, then I think we will be within 4-6 weeks of embryo transfer. 

I guess I will post in a week or so to update on how the injections are going and the ultrasound and blood work.  Keeping fingers crossed it all goes smoothly and as planned.

Clinic Day and Weekend

We had an eventful day planned at the clinic.  We all got up early had a small breakfast and were off to meet my daughter to pass the boys over to her.  All four of us adults then headed to the clinic.  All the ladies working in that clinic were just great!  They were all as nice as they could be and a bit on the funny side also.  Maybe they just thought my husband and I were funny, but we were all laughing most of the day.  We had blood work done, psych test on the computer, psych-educational consult, consult with nurse to learn how to take meds, saline sonogram, and a group psych was also scheduled.

We were shuffled from room to room, person to person, it was a busy day.  Let me tell you, these psych test you have to do on the computer, were about the craziest thing I have ever done.  I think it was like 300 questions and some of those questions were beyond absurd!  All questions you had to answer with a "always", "very likely", "likely", "not likely" or "never", or some variation like that.  With questions or statements like "My favorite past time is to watch the high jump on tv."  LOL  really?? I wondered how many people actually answer always to that? While it was an hour or so of answering some really goofy questions, it was very entertaining.

The two guys had their own pysch consult and then my hubby and I had ours, and the plan was that we were all four suppose to have one with the psychologist together afterward.  The psychologist came and told hubby and me that she felt no need for a group consult.  All four of us were a great match, we all got along well and had same thoughts and plans.  That actually made us feel pretty good although we already knew that, but for a trained professional to see it also, was a little reassuring.

We ended the day at the clinic with the Dr. informing us and the guys that I was in good shape, and my uterus looked great for pregnancy.  So we just had to wait for all the blood work to get back and then we would be on schedule to start cycling me and the egg donor together.  The plan is to make a fresh embryo transfer as the success rate is slightly higher with fresh rather than frozen embryos.  

We went to meet up with my daughter and get the boys back from her.  Of course they had a blast with big sissy and her boyfriend for the day, they went to playland stuff, bowling, laser tag, arcade time and Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch.  We got the boys and followed the guys to a restaurant close to their house, we all had a nice dinner together and time to sit and talk and get excited over the upcoming plans.  Made it back to their house and my boys found the piano to play with, and hubby enjoyed a glass of wine and hot tub time. (outside 15 degrees with lots of snow)  After finally getting my boys to bed, I enjoyed a little hot tub time with hubby.  It was a great end to a busy and fun day.

Saturday we had planned to sight see a bit, new place and things we had never seen before.  Lots of great things for our boys to learn about, we were near a city with rich history.  We had a leisurely breakfast, and headed to one of the guys parents house.  His parents had an suv we could borrow for the day so we could all ride in one vehicle instead of driving two.  So the six of us set out for a fantastic day!  Our boys really buddied up with the guys.  Each boy picking their own favorite to hang with.  My hubby and I sat back and watched and laughed as our boys can be handfuls.  The guys loved it and had a great time with our boys.  We had a wonderful day seeing and learning about some really old history in our country.  The boys even enjoyed every minute of it.  We went back to the parents house, and all went out for dinner.  The soon to be grandparents were wonderful, sweet and very nice.  A soon to be uncle also joined us.  So we had a large crowd going out to eat together and we all had an awesome evening!

Went back to the guys home for the night, had some quiet relaxing time just talking and watching a little tv for all of us.  Off to bed, we wanted to get a somewhat early start on Sunday as we had a long drive home.  Sunday morning they guys cooked another great breakfast, we kind of took our time getting going, we really did enjoy hanging and talking with the guys.  Our boys just loved them, and did not want to go back home.  Finally getting all packed up in the car and ready to head out, we said our "good byes" and "see ya soons" in anticipation of our next arrival for embryo transfer.  We were not done the road very long and our older boy who first had reservations of mommy having another baby for someone else says.... "Hey if you have a baby for them, then we will have friends when we come visit again" LOL So now our boys are really excited for the guys to have kids so they have someone to play with when we visit each other in the future. Have to just love the way little ones think.

Our weekend together was a wonderful time and only solidified my thoughts of doing this for these guys!  My awesome husband felt exactly the same as I did after our weekend.  So making this decision with loving family support only makes it better!  I know the four of us are in for a journey together that will only strengthen our friendship even more. 

Finding the Right Match

So far I have to say, for me finding the right match has been the hardest part of my surrogate journey.  I know many women do this for many different reasons.  To me, I could not do this unless I found the right connection with a couple.  I feel this to be a very intimate connection.  I could not imagine doing this for someone or couple and not growing a strong friendship.  After just about giving up, I had received an email asking me if I was still interested in becoming a surrogate.  I immediately replied with a yes.  After some email conversations I realized that was not the connection for me.  Although it gave me a renewed thought that maybe I could still do this.  So I got back on one of the surrogates sites I had been on previously and started trying to connect with couples again.  I met a few wonderful people I actually still keep in touch with, but just not that "right" connection.  One day I found a link to another site that I had not been to before, so away I went to check it out.  While checking out this other site, I found a very large number of couples that were same sex couples.  Something I had not given any thought to before at all, it just was not on my radar.  I guess I had always imagined in my mind doing this for a woman who physically just could not carry a pregnancy for some reason or another.  Well after reading a number of posts/ads that were same sex couples looking for a surrogate, I decided to respond to a few.  A couple of them just did not have that feel good vibe about them, and then I responded to one I really wanted to talk to more.  I guess the two things that stuck out to me in our initial emails, they were both respectively the same ages as my husband and I, and that they had been together for 20 years.  I do know many couples split up after 20 or more years but I felt that after 20 years they were making the decision to have children, I was sure it was not a decision made lightly.  With each email correspondence I felt very comfortable with these two "wanna be dads".  We then spent a better part of 5 months getting to know each other via emails and phone calls.  They had a clinic that was willing to work with me and my age.  After sending all my previous pregnancy records to their clinic, it was time to meet and go through the medical screening process.

The last day of February was set up for all medical screening and psych screening to be done at their clinic.  We live a few states away from each other, we agreed to drive to their house the night before and stay with them for the whole weekend.  Some people were surprised by this decision, but it was the right one for us.  My husband, our two boys and I set out for a road trip.  My older daughters knew about all the possible plans and thought it was great that I would do this, especially for a gay couple.  Our next thought was how to approach it with the boys since they are much younger and things needed to be more age appropriate.  We told the boys we were going to visit some friends of ours.  We told them they were two guys that were married and really wanted to have a baby or two.  The first thing our older boy said, "well they can't, there is no mommy".  It was a very matter of fact statement.  So my husband then explained to the boys that is what I might do for them, and instantly the older boy piped up again with "I do not want you to have a baby".  Hubby told him the baby would not be ours or for us, he looked a little confused.  So hubby then gave him an analogy from our farm, compared this to our chickens and that how sometimes some hens lay eggs but will not hatch them, and we give them to another hen to hatch.  For some reason this made perfect sense to him and he was good with it. (it was really an interesting and comical conversation)

It was an all day drive from our house to theirs.  We arrived around midnight.  It was a very comfortable meeting instantly!  They treated us as long lost family!  We had a very busy day ahead of us, so there was just a little small talk and off to bed.  My oldest daughter is living part time very close to the guys, so we had planned for our boys to get to spend the day with big sissy so we adults could do all the medical and psych stuff.