Well I have to admit I have been very lax about doing anything in front of the computer these past few weeks. I either like to stay moving, or laying down. Sitting for any length of time and my feet and ankles are starting that swelling stuff. boo hoo! I was really hoping I was going to by pass that, but guess not. Also those horrible pregnancy hemorrhoids have set in, my doctor has gave me some really awesome medicine that helps, but nothing completely cures them. My other favorite place these past few weeks has been our local indoor pool! I love to spend a few hours a day there not fighting gravity! My belly loves it, my legs, feet and ankles love it, and bottom area likes it too... no pressure from the babies so it helps the hemorrhoids also!
At almost 34 weeks with twins I have to say I am doing pretty good, although really feeling the pressure and weight of these little girls lately. I made it through the glucose tests, and my blood pressure has not changed at all. So those two big things they tend to worry about, especially with an older woman are still no worries for us! Yippee!
The dads were here with us for the 30 week growth ultrasound and check up. The growth u/s was great, getting harder to see the girls, as they are running out of room in there. There growth was right on track and they were estimated to be within an ounce different in size! Everything about them was wonderful, except that they both had decided they wanted to sit or stand in an upright position and face each other, which was really cute, but that puts them both in a breech position. Not where I want them! This coming Monday we have another growth u/s and I can not wait to see their positions. The past week there has been some serious movement going on, feeling like huge rolls and really trying to stretch out. I am hoping with everything in me that at least Baby A has decided to put her head down and get in the right position.
While the dad's were here, a few of my wonderful friends and my awesome husband and I threw the guys a surprise baby shower! It was a great time!
We made cute little peas in a pod cakes and cupcakes! With each passing day and week, we all are getting more and more excited! I can't wait to hand these little girls to their daddies. I know it will be a moment that will forever change my life!
I will really try to get on the computer and give a little update after Monday's dr. appt.
I am probably going to have a hard time writing this, as I am sitting here emotional and upset and that is either the best time for me to write, or the worst. I will try to keep most of my emotions in check while I write this, but I feel I really have much that needs to be said and I hope this post gets spread around to as many IP's as possible!
I want to talk about the relationships between IP's and surrogates. This is important!
There is a small handful of people, IP's and Surro's who are comfortable with a completely business, even anonymous relationship. If that works for them, great, more power to them both.
Most surrogates become surrogates because they truly feel for others that can not create their own families without help. Most surrogates do pregnancy easy and well with no issues, and that is why they choose to help someone else who can not. It is because as people we have a heart, that sometimes even breaks for those people we do not even know who have had loss after loss and who are at their bitter ends to try to create their own family.
We do not become surrogates because we want "your baby"...
we do not become surrogates because we want to bond with your baby...
we do not become surrogates because we want to take anything away from you...
we become surrogates because we want to give you the most special gift you will ever get in your life! I have watched video's and pictures over and over again, of surrogate friends and even surrogates that I do not know, handing these babies over to their parents (IP's)... everyone with tears in their eyes and the hugest smiles plastered across their faces. I can only imagine that is an emotion that is indescribable... but has to be one of the best things to share with someone.
I have seen some negative stories in the media, really those are so few and far between but the media loves to have a story with drama. IP's you can not base any of those experiences from the media on what it will really be like for you and your surrogate. Surrogates do not want to steal or keep your baby. Lets think about this logically... most surrogates are surrogates because growing babies is easy for us. If we wanted another baby we would have our own, we do not want someone else's baby. We have made a decision to help you, because we know how nothing else can compare to having your own baby. We know what its like to want to have a family and we want to help you accomplish your dream, not take anything away from it.
If you have not figured out why I am writing this post, it is because I have seen too many IP's treat their surrogates horribly lately. It totally breaks my heart to see these women who have done everything possible to help IP's have the family they have dreamed about, and then dumped on like they are nothing after the IP's have their babies in their arms. I know some of it comes from insecurities, some comes from social workers and agencies stating you need to distance your self and not let surrogates become attached or bond with the baby or babies. I am here to tell you, most surrogates emotionally need to say hello and or goodbye to those little awesome lives they spent the last 9 months growing for you! It's a type of closure to all they have done. What I do not understand is how an IP who has finally "gotten all they wanted" because of someone else, how could you not say thank you, and allow that woman to hold that baby or babies for just a few minutes. Once again, I am going to tell you, we do not want your baby!!... but we helped bring that baby to you, let us say hello to the little stinker who had been giving us the heartburn from hell, or kicking and punching us from the inside out. Let us see you with that smile and look in your eyes while you hold your baby, that smile and look that we know all too well, because we have had it when we looked at our own babies.
I know all IP's and surrogates are not going to be life long best friends, and that is ok, a lot of people do not even want that. If that relationship is important to you to keep going after baby/babies are born, then that needs to be discussed in depth while matching with each other. It's important to some and not to others, either way it is ok. Even if you choose not to have any relationship afterward, I think most surrogates would enjoy a text/email once a year or so, that says hey here is a pic and yes our family is growing well!
This is not meant as a negative post to or about IP's. There are many IP's that truly understand and treat surrogates with complete compassion and trust. This post is meant for the IP's that have doubts about surrogates, that have questions or concerns, that may even start a journey with all of the greatest intentions, but something along the way changes.
IP's please think about all this, even if its a mutual decision to cut all contact after you have your baby or babies, please tell that woman who just gave you, the greatest gift you will ever get... tell her thank you! Let her say hello and goodbye to the little awesome life that she brought to you! Let her see you smile and gaze at your baby/babies with all the love in the world...
This is why we do this!!
Well its great to be at the 28 week mark. Starting the third trimester, it is amazing in some ways to know how much time has already gone by, and then at the same time it can seem to be moving so slow.
I started this post on exactly 28 weeks, and as of today I am 28 weeks and 3 days. Since the last post at 24 weeks, the last 4 weeks have been pretty uneventful. Which in pregnancy is probably a good thing. Baby girls are moving like crazy!! I swear they have no sleep pattern, or if they do, it is opposite one another. I was sitting on the couch the other day and my husband was in standing in front of me talking, when all the sudden he just started to laugh. Stopped him in mid thought, he was laughing at my tummy rippling away and he being able to actually see the movement. I laughed back and said that is non-stop!!
Other than feeling rather large theses days, and wishing I could sleep in the bathtub or pool, since getting comfy laying in bed just does not work anymore everything has been going pretty well! I have been contemplating buying a recliner for our home, thinking maybe I could get some good sleep in that half sitting up and half laying back. We just do not have the space in our little farm house. So I sit back and tell myself, this will not last forever, and in all honesty it will be over before I know it. So a couple more months with limited sleep will be ok. I know when I get to put these little girls in their daddies arms, my lack of sleep will be of no consequence anymore! So the end result is all that matters!
I am really not one for taking pictures of myself but I will share one here, so you can see when I say I feel like I am 9 months pregnant when I am only 7, I really am telling the truth! LOL
Well we have an appointment in two weeks, both Daddies will be here for, growth ultrasound, some normal bloodwork and stuff. Can't wait it should be a great time for all of us to see these little girls again! Here is to hoping the rest of the pregnancy stays pretty uneventful!
**(disclaimer... Long post, had much to talk about)** :-)
Well I never knew with my own pregnancies how magical week 24 is. I never worried about going into labor early with my own pregnancies, I was always known for being over due. Since carrying these two girls, and so much I have researched about twin pregnancies, I was surprised to learn that many twin pregnancies delivery early. Some very early! Something I have also learned is that 24 is the magic number with nicu's in hospitals. Before 24 weeks, most nicu's will not intervene to save babies lives if born early, even if they are born alive. That is a scary thought and something I would dread going through. Once babies make it to the 24 week in gestation, their survival rate dramatically increases, so NICU's will do everything they can to sustain babies born after 24 weeks.
Needless to say since carrying these twins and learning all I have about twin pregnancies and even watching a few of my fellow surro sisters lose twins in the 20-21 week range, I really woke with a sigh of relief this morning knowing I have reached the magic number of 24 weeks. We are in the home stretch now!
Watching some of my surro sisters give birth in the past month and seeing the pictures of the new families created with their new little miracles, I so can not wait to give that gift to my wonderful IF's!!! These two little girls are going to have so much love and such a wonderful family, I get tears just thinking of it! I also feel so fortunate to have such an awesome relationship with the soon to be daddies, I am very thankful that my family and I will be able to be a part of these little girls lives. I really look forward to watching them grow up!
So we have had two dr. appt's over the past month or so. First one was a normal check up with the birthing center. My blood pressure is great babies are growing well! I was 21 weeks pregnant and measuring at 34 weeks. These little girls are very active! I think they will be gymnast or something, I feel like they are trying to bounce off my ribs all the time! Just by feeling my tummy one of my midwives was pretty sure Baby A is head down and Baby B was maybe slightly transverse. Which is no big deal to me, we just need Baby A head down to start out with a normal vaginal delivery when the time comes. I am good with twisting and turning to get Baby B in the right position if need be after Baby A is born. Baby B will have more room to move around and get in the right position after Baby A is born also.
Our second appt was at 23 week with a MFM Doctor. (Maternal Fetal Medicine) Often with a twin pregnancy most doc's will refer you over to a MFM just for extra checking out. Their equipment is normally a little more high tech and the MFM Doctor specializes in multiplies and possible problems during a "high risk" pregnancy. I use that term loosely, "high risk" because it actually bothers me. I am automatically considered "high risk" for the sole reason that I am carrying two. Nothing else is used to determine that classification. I personally feel that a "high risk" pregnancy should be based on more than just the fact of carrying two verse one. So far I have no sugar issues, I am not gaining extreme weight, my blood pressure is completely normal, all my other blood work is in normal range. To me those are things that should determine whether you are high rick or not.. but alas it's not up to me.
So over all besides seeing the little girls again with maybe a little better resolution or clarity, the MFM visit was just another reassurance that these two are on track doing exactly what they are suppose to do! Both girls measured within one day of each other, they both were at one pound in weight. By the end of the ultrasound both girls were in a head down position. Keeping fingers crossed they stay that way! ;-)
One of the biggest reason I started this blog was so that others could learn from my experience. I have a little more to say about the MFM appt. This is based on my experiences and my personal beliefs. There is most certainly a time and a place when specialist are needed! I do not feel one was needed at this point in time for our pregnancy. The dads felt that they wanted to have that dr appt, because of much of what they had read about twin pregnancies being seen by MFM's starting in second trimester. So I happily obliged, and it was a great day for us all to be together again. The ultrasound tech did the first part of the exam, looking over every little detail of these little girls and measuring everything little thing about them. The dr came in for the last part to go over what the ultrasound tech already did, and also to look at my cervix. Going over every little detail, they found Baby A to have a tiny little white spot on her heart. The dr. then told us all that it plays no effect on the baby's heart and how it works and that many babies do have this and are born completely fine with no issues and have no issues with their heart through out their lives. This little white spot plays no effect on the structure or function of the heart at all. The dr. then explains that the only reason to bring it up is that it "can" be a marker for downs syndrome. When this is found and no other "downs markers" are found, it is an extremely low chance for downs, and of course the only absolute way to know is to have an amniocentesis test done. Now I have already gone through all the other possible tests, (measurements, blood work, both done at different times) and no other possible markers for downs have been found. Everything to date has been perfectly in the norms for pregnancy. So I personally have had no worries about the pregnancy and development of the babies. I am also an "experienced mom" I have been through 4 pregnancies, I have been through all the concerns and doctors and their tests, and I remember my first time, being absolutely worried about every little thing the doctors talked about. I can only imagine how much more difficult it is to be a first time parent and actually not be experiencing the pregnancy.
Thankfully these soon to be parents I am carrying these awesome little girls for, are very logical and intelligent. I know they were concerned and probably even freaked out a little after leaving the MFM appt. There were talks of an amnio, termination of pregnancy or one of the babies, all of which I knew the dr was doing as it is part of "the job" to cover all basis, but I know it was freaking the dads out!
We all left and both my husband and I tried to reassure them, but not sure we were very successful. The dads went back to their hotel room and started their research. By the time they were done, they were armed with enough knowledge to know they have no worries and everything is good with these little girls. They both feel there is no need to see the MFM again, unless our normal care providers feel there is a reason.
So overall to me it was just another great visit with the daddies, we all got to see these beautiful little girls again, and even how much they are changing. Everyone was able to see how much they are moving. I keep telling everyone they exercise every day all day and all night, they are going to be strong little girls! Well during that long ultrasound everyone was able to see just how much they move!! By the time ultrasound was done Baby B had even changed her position to head down also, just a little higher up than Baby A. Although with as much as they move around, next time they could totally be in different positions.
I have more to share, but think I will write a separate post a little later, as I think this was long enough. :-)
Say hi to both baby girls!
I wanted to add some advice for women thinking about becoming a surrogate. Throughout this process I have learned a few things I feel are very important. First do not be in a hurry! If this is something you want to do, take your time, do your research and make sure you are happy with every decision you make! Do not settle or agree to something you are not comfortable with!
I think the most important thing I can not stress enough... Do not agree to transfer more embryos then you are willing to carry and no more embryos than the parents are willing to parent!
The last thing you would want to go through, is a reduction based solely on too many embryos stuck! A medical reduction is a different story and each surrogate and IP's have to be on the same page about that... but to reduce just because there are too many healthy babies growing would just be an awful expereince!
Make sure if throughout the matching process something is important to you, that you have it put in your contract!
If you have any reservations about the possible match you are trying to make... talk about them with the IP's if you can not agree and are not on the same page together... do NOT match! The right couple will come along, just do not be in a hurry and do not compromise the things that are important to you!
If you are using an agency, do not let them intimidate you into making a decision fast! Once you are carrying a baby or babies for someone else, you are connected to them at least through the whole pregnancy and if you are all not on the same page, it could be a uncomfortable and stressful pregnancy ... which no one wants!
I am sure I will come up with more info to share, but I wanted to get this out there now!
Well our next ultrasound was scheduled for November 10th. The daddies were planning to be here for that as they are with most appointments.
But... Hubby and I really wanted to surprise them with the sex of the babies. It was something we knew they really wanted to know. They could not wait to put names to their babies instead of calling them Baby A and Baby B.
We were planning on traveling to their home for a long Halloween weekend. We were making a special trip out of it as they are in the north east and within a few hours drive from Salem MA, which is where we wanted to take our boys for Halloween. A very neat place for Halloween and lots of history for our boys to learn about while having a night they hopefully will not soon forget.
So in the midst of our planning... I got sneaky again ;-)
I called and talked with one of the wonderful midwives at our birthing center and asked if there was anyway at all to squeeze me in before we left to try and take a peak at the babies, after telling her our plans... they got me in early in the morning on our way out of town. Of course we knew there was no guarentee the little ones would be cooperative, but we were going to try. Low and behold, both babies had no problem letting us know if they were boys or girls right away. Everyone in the office was so excited, it was a great morning! We left the birthing center with almost an 11 hour drive ahead of us, plenty of time to figure out how we planned to surprise the daddies.
We arrived Wednesday evening, and knew both dads had to work on Thursday. So our plan was to check out a museum or two and shop and brain storm for a good way to surprise the dads! We took our boys to a great little museum where we spent most of the day and then headed to the local mall. We kept coming back to the idea of getting something special and engraving the babies names on them, as we already knew their baby name choices.
Finally came upon the store Things Remembered, I forgot how much I liked that store. There is not one anywhere close to where I live now. We decided we would get the dads each a gift and then the babies. We found these beautiful glass coffee mugs with silver plates on them. We had "Daddy" engraved on one and "Papa" engraved on the other. That is their choice for their children to call them to cut down on confusion of "two daddies". Then we saw two beautiful little silver rattles. We picked them out and had the babies names engraved on each end of the rattles. It was perfect!
So Thursday evening after a late dinner, we all sat at their dinning room table and told the guys we had some gifts for them. We gave them their first two boxes with the mugs. Each opened his perspective mug and they both loved them! Then we gave them the two smaller boxes and told them those were gifts for the babies, that we wanted to be the first to give the babies a gift. One daddy asked if they should wait till the babies were born to open the gifts... we laughed and said no way! Open them :-)
So each daddy had a box and was opening slowly waiting for the other to be at the same spot while unwrapping the presents... "Daddy" was holding his rattle and noticed a name printed on it... and said "I got a Helen"
"Papa" was still examining his rattle and was not quite sure yet what he even had in his hands. Daddy said to Papa... what did you get, he said I got a Thea, still looking to the other end of the rattle thinking we had put all four names on the rattles. Daddy jumped up from his seat "we got two girls?!" Papa was still figuring it out! LOL Both Dad's were beyond ecstatic !! Lots of hugs and tears of excitement!!
Hubby and I think we did a great thing with the surprise and it turned out perfect!
We had a great weekend together, Daddy and Papa even decided to make the drive with us to Salem for Halloween. All six of us dressed as skeletons, with my hubby painting two skeleton babies on my shirt.
We said good byes on sunday... and the following monday 8 days later, the daddies would be down to us for the next ultrasound appointment. Which of course was a great time and they were able to see their girls easy! :-)
I am feeling better these days, the world is not spinning anymore and most of the "morning sickness" is gone! woo hoo to that!! I still get tired easy and need to rest more so than I have ever in the past. Not too sure if it is my age or the fact of carrying two, or maybe a combination of both, but they do seem to tire me out easy! I lay down for 15-20 minutes a few times throughout the day and then I seem to be ready to go again. So far me and babies are doing very well! Almost 1/2 way done already! I was 18 weeks this past saturday (11/15/14) They say a twin pregnancy is full term at 37 weeks... so here is to hoping we make it to 37 weeks with no issues!
Our awesome
birthing center is now working the ultrasound tech in on Mondays
instead of just Wednesdays, which is great for us. Now the daddies can
fly in over the weekend and we can all have time together and then have
check ups and ultrasounds on Monday morning. So Dad's can fly home
after that and only be out one day of work. This is how our past
weekend went. Dad's came in Saturday morning, we were able to spend Sat
and Sun together and then babies checkup Monday morning and tour the
hospital planned for delivery and lunch and then part ways for dad's to
head back up north. (Very eventful weekend)
Well
lets start with Friday night... What a night!! The daddies had gifted
my husband and I tickets to the Darius Rucker concert. We had tickets
in the pit, right in front of the stage! Hubby and I had a total
blast! While I was sure I would enjoy the concert, it was 10 times
better than I even thought it would be! Darius Rucker was awesome!!
Can't wait to see him again when I feel more like me!!
Saturday morning the Daddies flew down here. My wonderful hubby was
cooking/smoking 300 lbs of Boston Butts for a friends wedding. Me and
my boys met the dad's for lunch, we had a nice lunch together, great to
see each other again! By the time we were done with lunch they were able to check into their hotel, and rest up for a few,
then head over to our friends wedding. First time the Daddies got to
see a real down home country wedding. It was a beautiful wedding and
great reception in an awesome barn out in a huge field. Hundreds of guests, great food (thanks to my hubby) music and dancing and loads of fun! It was nice to have the Daddies with us, and I think they really did enjoy themselves with us. We parted ways for the night and made plans for a great little breakfast place to meet up at and spend the day together on Sunday.
After
a wonderful breakfast we all piled into our minivan and went for a
drive up the mountain. We took them to a couple of beautiful spots to
look out at and some gorgeous water falls. It was a great day, the
weather was wonderful and we all had an awesome time.
After a great time outside and hiking, it was time for me to take a nap... LOL So we came back down the mountain, all got a little rest and then we headed to our little bowling alley. My boys were anxious to take the Daddies bowling in our little town. We bowled two games and then went out to dinner, Alyssa my 17 year old daughter and a couple of her friends joined us, so we had a good group for dinner. The teenagers left us after dinner and we headed over to my favorite little yogurt place for a wonderful dessert!! Of course I loaded it with raspberries and strawberries again! yum yum!!
It
was a long and eventful day and it was time to call it a night.
Ultrasound appointment was first thing in the morning and have almost an
hour drive to get there.
My
husband and I have a friend who has been to an appt already with us,
and wanted to join us for this one also and finally get to meet the daddies, so she came over early in the morning to ride along with us for the day.
Here
we show up for an ultrasound appointment, me, my hubby, our two boys,
our friend Wanda and the two Daddies... So thankful we have such an
awesome birthing center and great staff who are all so welcoming and
excited to see so many of us walk in together. So we had a room full
for the ultrasound, but it was awesome! Great views of both babies,
they were showing off and active. It was wonderful to hear and see all
the excitement!!
Here is the whole ultrasound it is 19 minutes long, but very neat to watch!
You Tube Video here
After
a completely awesome time at the birthing center, we all headed over to
tour the hospital that I plan to deliver at. The hospital time was
great, the labor and delivery nurse who gave us a tour and shared all
kinds of info with us was wonderful. While I am sad that I can not
deliver in the birthing center, this hospital really seems like a
welcome 2nd place.
We all shared lunch together before we
headed home and the dad's headed to the airport. It was a wonderful
weekend together and a great ultrasound appointment. Our next one will
be November 10th, and if babies cooperate, we will be able to give them
names after instead of calling them baby A and baby B. I am kind of
anxious to find out if they get two girls, two boys or one of each.
After my first dream about delivery, I am stuck with the feeling that
there is one boy and one girl. I have even had a couple more dreams...
always with Baby B as the boy and Baby A as the girl. So very curious
to see if there is any truth to my dreams.
I am very much looking forward to the sickies to go away, and just really start to enjoy the pregnancy and experience the difference of actually carrying twins.
This
past week I have been thinking I am starting to feel some soft
movement, so this will be fun to see if I can tell the difference
between the movement of the two or will I just feel like there is a
bunch of arms and legs moving around in my belly. We are over the 13
week mark now and looking forward to the better times of 2nd
trimester.
please ;-)
