Calling all IP'S....

I am probably going to have a hard time writing this, as I am sitting here emotional and upset and that is either the best time for me to write, or the worst.  I will try to keep most of my emotions in check while I write this, but I feel I really have much that needs to be said and I hope this post gets spread around to as many IP's as possible!


I want to talk about the relationships between IP's and surrogates.  This is important!  
There is a small handful of people, IP's and Surro's who are comfortable with a completely business, even anonymous relationship.  If that works for them, great, more power to them both.

Most surrogates become surrogates because they truly feel for others that can not create their own families without help.  Most surrogates do pregnancy easy and well with no issues, and that is why they choose to help someone else who can not.  It is because as people we have a heart, that sometimes even breaks for those people we do not even know who have had loss after loss and who are at their bitter ends to try to create their own family.  
We do not become surrogates because we want "your baby"...
we do not become surrogates because we want to bond with your baby...
we do not become surrogates because we want to take anything away from you...
we become surrogates because we want to give you the most special gift you will ever get in your life!  I have watched video's and pictures over and over again, of surrogate friends and even surrogates that I do not know, handing these babies over to their parents (IP's)... everyone with tears in their eyes and the hugest smiles plastered across their faces.  I can only imagine that is an emotion that is indescribable... but has to be one of the best things to share with someone.

I have seen some negative stories in the media, really those are so few and far between but the media loves to have a story with drama.  IP's you can not base any of those experiences from the media on what it will really be like for you and your surrogate.  Surrogates do not want to steal or keep your baby.  Lets think about this logically... most surrogates are surrogates because growing babies is easy for us.  If we wanted another baby we would have our own, we do not want someone else's baby.  We have made a decision to help you, because we know how nothing else can compare to having your own baby.  We know what its like to want to have a family and we want to help you accomplish your dream, not take anything away from it.

If you have not figured out why I am writing this post, it is because I have seen too many IP's treat their surrogates horribly lately.  It totally breaks my heart to see these women who have done everything possible to help IP's have the family they have dreamed about, and then dumped on like they are nothing after the IP's have their babies in their arms.  I know some of it comes from insecurities, some comes from social workers and agencies stating you need to distance your self and not let surrogates become attached or bond with the baby or babies.  I am here to tell you, most surrogates emotionally need to say hello and or goodbye to those little awesome lives they spent the last 9 months growing for you!  It's a type of closure to all they have done.  What I do not understand is how an IP who has finally "gotten all they wanted" because of someone else, how could you not say thank you, and allow that woman to hold that baby or babies for just a few minutes.  Once again, I am going to tell you, we do not want your baby!!... but we helped bring that baby to you, let us say hello to the little stinker who had been giving us the heartburn from hell, or kicking and punching us from the inside out.  Let us see you with that smile and look in your eyes while you hold your baby, that smile and look that we know all too well, because we have had it when we looked at our own babies.

I know all IP's and surrogates are not going to be life long best friends, and that is ok, a lot of people do not even want that.  If that relationship is important to you to keep going after baby/babies are born, then that needs to be discussed in depth while matching with each other.  It's important to some and not to others, either way it is ok.  Even if you choose not to have any relationship afterward, I think most surrogates would enjoy a text/email once a year or so, that says hey here is a pic and yes our family is growing well! 

This is not meant as a negative post to or about IP's. There are many IP's that truly understand and treat surrogates with complete compassion and trust.  This post is meant for the IP's that have doubts about surrogates, that have questions or concerns, that may even start a journey with all of the greatest intentions, but something along the way changes.  

IP's please think about all this, even if its a mutual decision to cut all contact after you have your baby or babies, please tell that woman who just gave you, the greatest gift you will ever get... tell her thank you! Let her say hello and goodbye to the little awesome life that she brought to you!  Let her see you smile and gaze at your baby/babies with all the love in the world... 
This is why we do this!!